Submarining: When dates appear and disappear as they please

Tinder and Co. have experienced a real upswing, especially in the last two years due to the pandemic. Never before have so many people worldwide searched for true love online as in the last two years – and that’s a fact. Rapidly increasing trend. But with the boom of online dating, new dating phenomena are also emerging.

Sometimes because they have only become possible in the age of social media, and sometimes because people simply talk more openly about their own experiences in an increasingly networked world and recognize previously unknown parallels. For example, terms like ghosting are already quite well known, Gatsbying we have already explained in one of our last articles. This series is now joined by a new phenomenon: submarining.

As is so often the case, with a little imagination you can already deduce the rough meaning. Submarine means in German the submarine, which primarily ascends and descends. And that is actually already the explanation. Submarining describes people who don’t get in touch after a date and come back on the mat after a long time. And an apology? Missing! Instead of explaining themselves or regretting the action, they continue as if nothing had happened.

How should you behave?

“You’re in a quandary. You can either ask what your date has been up to for the past few months, or you can assume they’ve just been busy and carry on as if it’s normal,” writes the British Journalist Rebecca Reid, who first introduced the term in this context and struck a nerve. “I would suggest that you don’t just go on like this. Especially if you haven’t received an explanation,” she suggests to concerned parties. “Just because the date acts like the behavior is normal doesn’t mean you have to do it. But if you answer ‘Sure, I’m free on Sunday’ instead of saying ‘Are you kidding me, you’ve been gone for months,'” you’ll have to go through the whole thing at least one more time.

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Image source: Victoria Heath at Unsplash

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